Gaijinshi

Can't sleep.

Watching the Brit Awards tonight, it seems that some things are off key.

The Arctic Monkeys, in already knowing that they were winners, were fucking pissed and wearing riding clothes.  I'm all for experimental wardrobe, but being pissed on stage?  Not very classy.

List of winners (click through) Everybody's A Winner

An album might be released from the ever-changing minds of Nine Inch Nails.
I'll be waiting in anticipation! Ever since the concert in KC was turned into some near strip-search for alcohol debaucle in which the whole concert was an hour late... I'll be ready for NIN action that doesn't include being frisked and told that my skirt is too "baggy" and might conceal alcohol/dope. No shit. I'm fucking fat.

I think Paul MaggotKnee (McCartney) is taking a little too much credit by being the "surviving Beatle" and being a writer of the "music revolution" is giving him way too much credit.  I wanted to see maybe Ringo Starr get half as much credit!  Just half!  Not all!  I think Ringo is the unnoticed Beatle, and deserves far more recognition. The whole "hoo hoo hoo" is getting very annoying.  I know Paul McCartney is ripping off of Michael Jackson who rips off of him and bought the rights to all the Beatles songs when Apple Music went under, etc etc.  Did I mention Paul MaggotKnee is a manwhore luddypuddly didlinger? ... I'm sure I did.

I wasn't appreciative of the whole "Paul McCartney wank off session" they had at the end.  Left a sour taste to the old man trying to be hip and young.  He took all the songs he mostly didn't write, and played them in a medley.  Tour you bastard, with your own songs.  And stop dying your hair.  We know it went white nearly 20 years ago.

I wrested from the vestiges my Residency.  I can now travel at will.  And will!

That is all.

Cosplay! Woo. Nuff said.

Things make me angry. Like, doctors who hem and haw. Extreme hemming and hawing, where they don't know what's wrong with you and furthermore, no clue on how to alleviate pain. Still living with this pain in my abdomen. Maybe I'm dying.

Immigration. Immigration is making me angry with their being slow to do everything, and being really accusatory and sour when I ask any sort of question, or even contact them with information that they state to contact them with. Dealing with them is an aboslute nightmare and I'm not the only one having issues. They're losing paperwork, sending out redudant emails, and attempted to make _vast_ sweeping policy changes to the Skilled Migrant Category without the personnel or resources in place to deal with the consequences.

Skwirl is in a bad mood. He's all "meh" and stuff. He's sleepy and moody. Maybe he has PMS. I'm in an excellent mood now that it's summer and job is going well (even if I do get a bit angry at stupid questions asked over and over again ;))

Christmas rawked. Drunken Christmas fun.

Wes never talks to me. I thought Wes and I were okay friends, but he's been ignoring anything I say online. He never talks to me and I message him quite often. Maybe he wants nothing to do with me now that I'm not dating Blake, as a way to stay "loyal" to his friend. Utter craptastical bullshit. Apparently he's had conversations with Blake where he's said various things as such that he doesn't care for me, doesn't like hanging out with me, etc. Never a word to my face, that one. Ever. Just as well. I probably wasn't invited to JJ's wedding due to that stuff. Doesn't matter, they'll rot. Who cares.

Sometimes I cry. These documentaries about people on 60 minutes piss me off. They cry, in the ocean, because their job is so tough. Tough shit, learn to drive a boat.

I HAVE BOKKENS! in a sexy, tasty black. I have the full bokken (samurai/katana) and the small tanto/wazakashi. They're sexy. And they have guards, so ... no one stabs my hand. That's what guards are for, beyatch. I test Puha's fat with my wazakashi, testing it good. Testing it with the end of the sword for tensile strength. He's a cat, and doesn't care much for showing that he's alive unless food is involved. He overeats. I call him my fattykitty. I want to get the "hello kitty" cat hat for him. teehee.

I'll test your fat.

Any plus size fruits out there?

If so, let's get together and start making some resource lists for other plus size fruits.

Also, any plus size fruits want to post? I'd be interested (and may garner courage to post my own finally)!

Messenger quotes.

[13:34] I'm afraid I can't help it: the boobuka is being counted
[13:35] Watashi wa Ken-kun, des ne.: at first i thought you typed boobula.
[13:35] Watashi wa Ken-kun, des ne.: Hi. I'm BOOBULA from the planet NIPPLETRON.

Looking for suggestions on a stylist.

Moved here from the 'states and need a new stylist.

I do all my own colouring/treatments, just need someone to do the actual cutting.

I usually get a reverse bob (j-mullet) long in front, shorter in back, anywhere from stack, to a graduated guard tapering to a 1 on the last bit on the back.

Stylists are normally too scared to do this, and need to know... Where do I go?

I've seen "trendy" salons on the road, but I've been to "trendy" places before that are scared sh!tless to do it-- and then want to charge out the a$$. :)

Any ideas?

I did household chores in 15 minutes. o.o;
while eating a nashi pear.

...
Something is wrong, it usually takes me longer.

Oh well.

Ray Nayler makes a completely useless diatribe about someone who has terrible nightmares, looks cool to other kids, plays the guitar, and finds love, ... but oops.

Still has nightmares and never confronts them.

In my opinion, bad fiction.

Speaking of bad fiction... (ha)

I finally submitted my short horror story "Happy Child" to Psuedopod.org.
Hopefully its many rewrites and incarnations will finally be recognized as a good horror story. Here's to hoping. Oh and the $50 wouldn't be bad either.

I could go to sleep and be tortured out of my fucking mind...
Or stay up.

I opt to stay up.

Any Wellingtonians members of JPGMag? (http://jpgmag.com)

If so, any votes or critiques appreciated!

Le monde de chante.

Larger size feet, larger size problems.

Anyone know where I can get shoes in US size 11/12 in the Wellington area?

Willow Shoes is great, but they're incredibly expensive (350$) and I'm looking for something more affordable.

Having a problem finding ANY stockists in the area that caters to 11/12.

Would need a lace up and zip side boot.

Just... bitch.

A month and a half to ship an item I asked her to buy for me.

And I paid for it in advance.

But no, she still hasn't shipped it to my US address and it's been a month and a half.

I ONLY HAVE TWO WEEKS LEFT.

...

But I'm supposed to be caring and whatnot...

And I do understand, but I don't understand dragging your heels when you promised something to someone, and was compensated.

People suck. I don't like peole.

*drums fingers annoyedly*

So, ... she was TOTALLI3Z F0R R3ALZ sleeping on Friday. Yes! All of Friday. No time to hang with the buds or go out and have fun despite getting a full paycheck. No time for friends, boys, she's sleeping.
But then went to Dave and Buster's after repeatedly and markedly noting my interest in returning for a night of games.

Dick must have been involved.

... Quality.
Friends really aren't friends in Kansas, Toto.
Sure, they make nice.
But everything they've ever done has only been for themselves.

Including making friends with you, to find other guys to hook up with.
Wanting favors and driven places.
Wanting a girlfriend but not maintaining any semblance of a relationship or interest in you or who you are, and only to impress the folks so they think they're not gay.

Weehappyfunyay.

Not to mention your life!

All this for the low low price of 39.95!

Where's the socially responsible people?
Those with goals and real aspirations and those with morals or some sort of real friendship?
All I find instead are the ones looking for the next big score,
The next big whore,
The next young thing,
To climb climb only into their bed
Not their soul or their head.
Its their bodies they use
Because they have one to lose
And focus only on the outside.

Then why is it so freeing?

Others would probably be down and eventually depressed about the situation.

Me? Just do what I want with no worries, continue on. It's not an obligation of mine anymore! Yes! Oh, I mean, oh so tragic that I don't have to talk to someone who's emotionally fucked and dragging others into his fuckedness with the lies and whatnot. ... I mean, it's soooo tragic and I really want to talk to them. Sarcasm.

I needed rest today and felt sick to my stomach, possibly bad food. I just got over the flu, sick sucks.

I was banned from calling Sefton from Dru's couch.

As she texts Roger 30 times an hour, lives with him, and visits his place of work, I note the one-sidedness and instead feel the tired drifting back from sleeplessness.

Totally banned from seeing how my loved one is doing in a short, terse, call that I get maybe every two days.

D00D.
Squall Leonhart's walking the streets of Harajuku.

Maybe this whole reproduction aspect goes a bit deeper than I realized.  I'm beginning to feel that my life is highly ornamental.  Lovely to look on the outside, twisted and mangled beneath the surface.  I feel like some sort of sideshow freak when in the naturale, a broken plaything or malformed clay model. A highly ornamental individual to stare, gawk, and awe.  A thing who can't contribute anything to society and has no purpose.  

In all rationality I shouldn't be feeling this way.  But here it is, rearing its head.  I try to remind myself that I'm an educated and self-driven individual and can take care of anything.  I keep reminding myself that I'm a competant individual, female or male, however I feel that day.  But why do I feel so helpless?  Being ignored would probably be the key to this, as I've been ignored quite a long time.

Meh, more art.  I guess I can contribute art, photography, or whatever.  I'm a second rate programmer at best. ...Am I the only person who feels that they could change their gender mindset from day to day?  It annoys others.  :)

Our whole society has had this complacency regarding infertility.  However the entire subject of infertility and low birth rate suggests that it is on the rise.  Maybe it's the absolute stupidity of a male-centric profession regarding a women's health issues.  Ever noticed how the studies for drugs only include sterilized women and men?  Is it because of the estrogen factor that doctors are just plain mystified on how the healthy body of a woman in her reproductive years should act?

Alarming headlines:
Infertility on the Rise in the UK (applicable to anywhere!):  
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4112450.stm

Blaming chemicals and the "inorganic lifestyle" 
http://www.sfms.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Home&CONTENTID=1958&SECTION=Article_Archives&TEMPLATE=/CM/HTMLDisplay.cfm

Human Beings Producing Antibodies to Sperm and Eggs (IVF):
http://www.carefertilityweb.co.uk/treatments/treatmentdetails.shtml

I'm getting very angry about doctors who blame my weight.  It isn't my weight, please stop blaming my weight.  My mother weighs the same, my grandmother weighs the same.  It's our "end of the kids years" weight.  It's genetic and natural, and I don't have high blood cholesterol or sugar.  I keep a track of both of those, including blood pressure.  I attempt to eat mostly veg or veg friendly and organic. Granted, I was never a small individual, at most 160/170 lbs.  I wasn't always this weight that I am now (considerably more).  

In fact, this condition began BEFORE I put on weight.  Thus it's a never ending cycle of idiotic doctors who don't know what the condition is, but consider my infertility a nonissue and blame my "feeling run down" on being overweight.

An accquaintance of mine has the same condition.  She had cancer and nearly died.  I'm very scared.  I hate doctors.

Good news:
Skin is clearing.  Love my dermatologist.  We did a one-two with antibiotics and Zania gel.

Remind myself:
Anyone that treats me like crap is not a friend, accquaintance, or worthy of my time.  Ever.

I think I'm having a problem with my teeth shifting around on my jaw.

My jaw is starting to hurt. And promptly woke me out of bed this morning. Which is OK, used the time to call my skwirl.

My new resolution is to stop the pain. Any kind of pain whatsoever and stop it. Physical, emotional, bullshittery, any kind of pain whatsoever. I think I'll call it the "Pain Solution Resolution." Basically stop ignoring the pain that I have because my family ignored my medical issues and wouldn't help me fight the battles. My solution is to get a good enough job to pay for my medical issues. Insurance doesn't do crap. Crap. Insurance has not helped me at all and I have to do something revolutionary about it. I think I'll have to go to a brokerage and start a FSA "Flexible spending account" for my health issues and have it paid that way.

To date here's the issues I have to fix:
PCOS
Possible uterine cancer
Hihdradenitis Suppurativa
Asymmetrical and lower back issues
Melasma
IPL of the face and jawline
Skin flora
Possible HRT

All of these issues which I have specifically talked to a doctor and the answer was "you're not getting pregnant so it doesn't matter." Their specific ignorance of women's health care is due that I may never be able to get pregnant. I will never feel like a whole woman.